


Protect Your Smile Against Despair

by Anonymous



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School
Genre: Engagement - Comfort and Promising to Do Better than Dysfunctional Past of Spouse, F/F, Hope wins over despair, Marriage - Fantasizing About Getting Married, Post-Canon, Proposal - Elaborate or Creative Proposal, Really quite soft, References to body self-modification, Shotgun Wedding Marriage Themes Flash Exchange 2021, happy/hopeful ending, references to violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:06:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29164674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Mikan doesn't smile very often, but Mahiru has captured every single one she can.
Relationships: Koizumi Mahiru/Tsumiki Mikan
Kudos: 8
Collections: Shotgun Wedding Flash Exchange, anonymous





	Protect Your Smile Against Despair

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Coffin Liqueur (HP_Lovecats)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HP_Lovecats/gifts).



Mahiru is leaning against the guard rail of the ship, staring at the stars. Odd. There are still stars. Planets out there that know nothing of Earth, of what happened there, of what Mahiru helped to create with her own blood-stained hands. Planets to whom she is just a girl, not a Fragment of Despair. Maybe even people who don't hate her.

Another girl joins her at the rail, beautiful and anxious. Mikan doesn't hate Mahiru, she reminds herself. They all have each other. Fragments in a broken world, joining together to make something beautiful.

"What do you want to photograph now?" Mikan's voice is still nervous, as if she expects Mahiru to bite her for speaking. Mahiru knows she has to respond quickly before Mikan begins to apologise for asking personal questions, for talking to Miharu at all, for _existing_ , what can she do to make it better? Mahiru feels like she can't bear that right now, but she doesn't know what to say. What can she say when her last pictures were of Princess Sonia's army, of torture and rape and death, pictures designed to spread despair, pictures of violence to create more violence? When the world is in tatters, at least partly because of Mahiru's photography? She had promised to capture the grace of Hiyoko's dancing, and had indeed captured her grace dancing on the corpses of office workers.

She covers Mikan's hand quickly with her own to give herself a moment to think, trying not to notice Mikan's flinch. Once, she had liked to photograph smiles, capturing flashes of happiness for posterity. Dreamed of capturing joy all around the world. Does anyone even smile these days?

Only those who have learned Hope, and those who as yet have know nothing of Despair.

"I want to photograph babies laughing," she says, smiling a little.

She isn't prepared for Mikan stepping away, eyes wide and horrified in the morning sun. Her foot trips, of course, it does, twisting as she falls in the only defence she knows, white thighs and white panties bared, _mock me, objectify me, just don't hurt me_ , and it's Miharu who is hurt, Miharu who would never raise her hand or voice against Mikan and finds herself positioned as an abuser.

She opens her mind to say something kind and reassuring and what comes out is: "Will you cut that crap out?"

She instantly regrets it as Mikan bursts into tears and starts apologising.

"It's all right," Mahiru says, exasperated and sorry in equal quantities. "Come here, sweetheart." The endearment drops from her mouth as if she'd said it many times, although this is the first time she's said it aloud. An accumulation of thoughts across two years, before Despair. _Mikan's so sweet, so kind, so good... If only she realised it. If only I could say so openly without Hiyoko being jealous and targeting her more._ Perhaps, now there is Hope, she can give into the urge to pet Mikan, cuddle her better, overcome the terrible fear that Mikan will respond by undoing her own clothes and forcing Mahiru into the role of a bully. Without making Mikan hate her.

(The worst of it is that she _has_ thought of Mikan naked and trembling and submissive. How could she not, when Mikan so determinedly offers her beauty to be exploited? It makes Mahiru want to cry, to fall on her knees and promise never, ever to hurt her. _The pig barf has weaponised martyrdom,_ Hiroko said contemptuously, when Mahiru tried to talk to her about it, worried that her two best friends since Sato hated each other so much.)

Mikan freezes at the endearment, but she lets Mahiru help her up, smooth down her dress, check for new injuries. "I'm sorry for speaking sharply," Mahiru said. "You know me, always bossy." She tries to laugh. "Won't you tell me about it?"

"T-there's nothing to tell."

"That's not true. Mikan, we have to face the future together to make amends. And I'm your friend. I love you."

Mahiru flushes bright red and says, "I-I-I can only have _her_ baby."

It's so unexpected, so ludicrous, that all Mahiru can say is, "Aren't you the nurse? Don't you know where babies come from? Do you mean you';re pregnant?" And then, with a rush of protective jealousy, because what _man_ would abuse Mikan, "Who was it? I'll kill them." And then realises how stupid that is, because this sweet, anxious Mikan didn't exist whenever this happened, and no one would have dared try anything with the Ultimate Nurse of Despair and her medical torture chambers.

"I'm not pregnant. But I can only have _her_ baby." Mikan raises the hem of her skirts, pulls it up, and on creamy skin there are scars, sharply cut and carefully stitched.

"No. Oh, no. Mikan."

"I did it myself. It hurt a lot." Mikan is matter of fact now, speaking calmly.

"You didn't use anaesthetic?" The horror battles at Mahiru's head, and she can't cope, she has too many terrible memories, too many fears already.

"I wanted to feel it. I wanted to feel all the pain and grief. Komaeda took her arm, I took her future children. She was the only one who ever appreciated and loved me." Mikan breaks at last, pulling away and stumbling inside the boat.

Mahiru is left saying, "No. No, she wasn't," to the closed door.

* * *

They all separate for a while when they reach the shore. Hajima has plans for them, things to do. They are being hunted. Redeeming themselves for their crimes will not be simple. But at some point Mahiru makes a point of breaking back into Hope's Peak.

The memories are terrible. Sato and Natsumi's deaths. What happened to the student council. The protests and violence. Chiaki--oh, darling Chiaki. There is guilt and pain, but also--

""--we were friends here," she tells her ghosts. "We laughed and ate and studied and played games and were happy and were kind. Sato and Hiyoko and my sweet Mikan. All right, Hiyoko was kind of terrible at showing her kindness, but it was there. I loved them all so much. I loved _all_ of us so much. But I'm scared. The other just blame _her_ , but we were all so close to despair. Hiyoko is so sad and cruel sometimes. Kuzuryu was already a murderer. I hated myself and blamed myself for Natsumi and Sato's deaths. Komaeda is... whatever Komaeda is. It's no mistake that you were the only one who didn't fall to despair, Chiaki. No wonder we were lost when you were gone. Sometimes I think you were the only truly good one among us."

 _Even Mikan?_ ask her ghosts.

"Especially Mikan. Every now and then, I would see it flash out of her, just how much she _hated_ people who bullied her, what she wanted to do to them. And she is carrying _her_ inside her. I think she is closer falling back into despair than any of us."

 _What does she need?_ Mikan is almost sure she hears Yukizome Chisa's loving voice.

"She needs--she needs to be loved. Unconditionally." The knowledge is there, in her heart. "She needs to know she can be imperfect and clumsy and wrong and lie and still be _adored_. She needs to know she has power too. She needs someone who will be gentle and always be there for her."

_That's my most straightforward and clear-headed of students. Protector of girls._

_And can you love her like that?_ It's Sato. 

Here in Hope's Peak, there is only honesty. _Yes. I'm sorry. I loved you too. But... I already do._

Chiaki's voice is almost there, soft and uncertain in her ear. _I don't know. I never had a relationship, I think. But you need something too, at least I think so from ero games._

She closes her eyes and lets herself imagine it. Mikan, becoming brave enough to be cherished and petted and cuddled. Mikan's softness, her abundant curves and gentle lips. Waking up to that rare smile every morning. Perhaps finding somewhere all of them can be safe, and cooking for each other, finding some kind of normal life, a family--perhaps even _her_ genes just need hope and tenderness. Having Mikan fuss over her when she is sick, see the flashes of confidence Mikan shows when she's the one in control. Growing old and Mikan growing fat and contented like a spoiled cat, learning to purr. 

The rush of longing for it all is almost overwhelming, like her heart is being pulled out of her body. And what rushes back into it feels, for the first time, like true hope.

"I need to be needed. No one needs me and my love as much as she does. And also," Mikan says, blushing and determined to be honest, "she's very attractive."

The laughter in her ears blows away in a wind that isn't there, but she's made up her mind. Our love is what is going to save the world, she tells herself. And here, in our stronghold where even the Future Foundation could not penetrate, is the evidence of who I choose to love now.

She does what she needs to do, and then pauses on the thresh hold. "I love you all," she says, "and I forgive you for leaving me. I won't leave her."

* * *

She rejoins the ship before Mikan. Hiyoko is incredulous and scoffing but then, somehow neither incredulous nor scoffing at all, and when Mikan, exhausted from her work, falls asleep, she find her task is already done. Hiyoko just pouts when asked about it.

"She's still an ugly, smelly, useless bitch." Hiyoko's lower lip trembles and her eyes are wet. "If she ever hurts you... Well. I suppose she's not that bad, really. But you had better be happy. And you'd better not ask me to be your fucking bridesmaid."

Mahiru hugs her.

When Mikan arrives, the others all vanish, as if they _knew_ somehow--Mahiru casts a suspicious glance at Hiyoko--and leave them together. Mahiru can see Mikan's eyes fill with fear and self-doubt and creeping resentment, thinking it means they all hate her, and Mahiru's heart aches. She takes Mikan's hand. It's soft and warm in hers, and somehow the bandages only make it seem sweeter, protectiveness unfurling in Mahiru's heart.

"Come with me."

When they enter the tiny portside room, Mikan's eyes seem to double in size. She turns around slowly, taking in her face from every direction, the smiles. Every smile Mahiru ever captured on her face. Shy, secret smiles. Bravely martyred ones. Delighted unexpected ones. Even a cruel smile here and there. Mahiru kept them all.

Oh no, she thinks suddenly, as Mikan starts to cry. I just wanted to make a big dramatic proposal worthy of her, but this is really, really creepy.

"I want to protect your smiles," she says desperately, pulling on Mikan's shoulders, not quite brave enough to pull her into her arms. "I know I'm ordinary and not as pretty or as talented as you, but I love you, all of you. Good and bad. You don't have to be perfect for me, ever, I swear, and I will try to make you smile for ever, if only you will marry me. I know you've been treated badly, and I'll make up for it. I'll protect you and protect your smiles. We can be Hope to each other, if you will love me too..."

Her awkward babbling is crushed away by soft, delicious lips, and she can feel Mikan's smile against her mouth. It's the sweetest smile of all.


End file.
